best 10 jokes of the day

3 Girls on a Plane
There were 3 girls on a plane thats about to crash.

The American girl puts on her makeup, "Rescuers will save a beautiful girl first" she said.

French girl opens her bra,"Rescuers will save a girl with beautiful tits."

The African removes her knickers and says "Fuck off, they all ways look for the black box first."



POOR OLD MAN
An old man is sitting on a park bench crying. A young man is walking by and asks him why he's crying. The old man says, "I'm retired and I have lots of money, a huge luxury apartment, a beautiful 25 year old wife who loves me and has sex with me twice a day"

The young man says, "Well then why the hell are you crying!?"

The old man replies, "I can't remember where I live!"




WORLD FUNNIEST JOKE
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"


Roses
Q: What's better than Roses on your piano.
A:Tulips on your Organ.


Naughty Nuns
Two nuns were climbing the convent wall after an illicit night out on the town.

One says to the other "This makes me feel like one of those Navy Seals"

The other replies "Me too, but where the fuck will we find one at this time of night?"



Fair Enough
A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven.

St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake.

"I'm much too young to die! I'm only 35!"

St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case.

When St. Peter returned, he told the attorney, "I'm afraid that the mistake must be yours, my son. We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you've billed to your clients, and you're at least 108."



Ex Girlfriend
I had a wank over my ex girlfriend last night...

Listen I know its wrong but I had a spare key and she's a deep sleeper!



Viagra and Food
A woman asks her husband, 'Would you like some bacon and eggs, a
slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?'

He declines. 'Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's
this Viagra,' he says. 'It's really taken the edge off my appetite.'

At lunchtime she asked him if he would like something. 'A bowl of
soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?'

He declines. 'The Viagra,' he says, 'really trashes my desire for food.'

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. 'Would you
like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a
rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?'

He declines again. 'No,' he says, 'it's got to be the Viagra....I'm
still not hungry.'

'Well,' she says, 'Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving.'


Doggy Style Joke
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Does your wife ever do it doggy style?” asked the one. “Well… not exactly.” his friend replied, “She’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.”

“Oh, I see, so she’s kinky eh?” he asked curiously. “Well… not exactly… I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead.”


Basketball Chicken
Q. Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

A. He heard the referees were blowing fowls.